Thumbs Up/Thumbs Down

The thumbs up first. I ran a 5K in Hawaii. A race T-shirt is a much better souvenir than a regular old T-shirt. I didn't set any land speed records, but I wasn't planning on it. I ran a respectable time, and I even snagged second in my age group.

Hawaii was very amazing, by the way. The pineapple (the sweetest ever), the shopping (tons of high-end stores), the restaurants (I may or may not have eaten udon noddles twice in 24 hours), the beaches, the hiking, the mai tais, all thumbs up.

And the thumbs down. My ankle is still bugging me a bit. I can tell it is getting better. Slowly. Stretching and foam rolling are helping, but I need to get myself fully healed. So it's time for another running break. I unintentionally took a complete exercise break for a few days. My body needs it. And I need to be patient.

The Week that Was

I'm not going to do a day-by-day recap of my exercises this week, or even a general description of what I did this week. I find it helpful to keep a log while I am training, so that I can look back and see how things went. There's no real need for that, since I'm not really training for anything.

However, I ran about 8.5 miles total in 1 hour 10 minutes. For those of you doing the math at home, that's an 8:15ish pace per mile.

Whut? Who is this person?

This did not happen the last time I came back from an injury or an extended running break. At the beginning of my Boston Marathon training cycle, I was struggling to break 9 minutes.

Part of the speed is that I know I am only going out for a short distance. A little more than 2 miles on average. I can run 2 miles in my sleep. I was purposely pushing it on some of these runs, so that's part of it too. But then factor in the heat and humidity and I should be running slower.

Or maybe I just have enough running experience that I know paces, effort levels, and mental skills well enough to know what's appropriate. Hmm.

Oh hai

No, I have not fallen off the face of the earth. Just took a planned extended running break. I did not run at all for over 2 months since the Boston Marathon. Even before the marathon, I knew I needed to take a break. You can't run if you break your body.

Oh, I did other things. Spent some quality time with the elliptical. Acquired a spin bike. More strength training. And some extra rest.

I tried to ramp it up too quickly when I was training for Boston. I am not going to repeat that. I got lucky in that when I got injured again, I knew how to back off, had a decent start to my training cycle, and still managed to train. I got even luckier that I did not get injured during the marathon and made it safely to the finish line.

The good news is that my pace is in the range of my spring 2012 training cycle. That was when I ran my 2 BQ marathons, 2 unofficial half marathon PRs (or 3 if racing by yourself on a treadmill counts), and my 5K PR. I did a better job of maintaining my cardiovascular fitness than I did when I was injured last year, so I think that helped.

So far, I am 2 weeks and about 5 miles into my return to running. I am cautiously aiming for a 5K in early August. Other than the 5K, I have nothing on my race calendar. And honestly, I kinda like that.

Remembering Boston on National Running Day

Happy National Running Day!

Did I run today? Nope. I have not ran since the Boston Marathon. And I do not feel bad about that in the slightest bit. Oh, I am still exercising but in different ways. My body needs a break from running.

Since I did not run today, how about some photos from my trip to Boston over the weekend?

Honestly, it was a little weird to be in Boston. It seemed like nothing had changed, and yet everything has changed. But it was good. I got to go back and hang around downtown Boston and visit the Public Garden, just as I had planned to do after the Boston Marathon. I am glad I had a chance to go back.

I got to see the Boston Marathon memorial in Copley Square.






Hands touching hands reaching out touching you is a line from Sweet Caroline.




Been waiting for a while to show my medal to the mama duck in the Public Garden. Mama duck approved.


I do so enjoy Boston.

Boston Revisited

I am going to Boston this weekend. Yay.

Except not yay. I am having surprisingly mixed feelings about that. Not exactly sure why. College reunion is part of it. Or rather, a certain classmate who I don't think is going to be there but might is part of it. The Boston Marathon is part of it too. Oh, it will be fine and I will be excited by the time the weekend rolls around. For now, I am not the least bit excited.

I am going to the Public Garden to visit the duck statues with my Boston Marathon medal, just as I had planned to do after the Boston Marathon. I am going to Boylston Street and the finish area. Hopefully, I will buy a Boston Strong shirt from Marathon Sports or City Sports, both of which are near the finish area.

I will see some friends I haven't seen since the last college reunion. I'm kinda beyond drinking and staying up all night, but it will be fun. The last one was fun.

I will tell you one thing. It will be very much like the Boston Marathon. Eagle coming home. Again.

Boston Marathon: The Music That Wasn't

I put together a playlist for the Boston Marathon and then ended up not using it. At all. The Boston Marathon is a 26.2 mile block party. There were so many entertaining things along the way.

In hindsight, I hope these songs had turned up.

Foo Fighters - My Hero. This one is for all the police, emergency responders, medical people, volunteers, spectators, and average people who stepped up when they were needed.

Nine Inch Nails and Carly Rae Jepson - Call Me a Hole mashup - Upbeat music from Call Me Maybe. Dark lyrics from Head Like a Hole. "No, you can't take that away from me."

Katy Perry - Part of Me - "This is the part of me that you are never gonna ever take away from me." Notice a recurring theme here?

Switchfoot - Meant to Live - "We were meant to live for so much more and we lost ourselves. Somewhere we live inside."

Switchfoot - We Are One Tonight - "The world is flawed. These scars will heal. We are one tonight."

Switchfoot - Dare You to Move - "I dare you to move. I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor." For me, this song has always been about hope. It is one of the highlights of any Switchfoot concert. The most recent time I saw it performed live was frontman Jon Foreman singing solo, acoustic, with the crowd singing along. Amazing.

Switchfoot - Dark Horses - "I've got my scars. I've been to hell and back again. Born for the blue skies. We'll survive the rain. Born for the sunrise. We'll survive the pain."

The Bravery - Fearless. Good message. Peppy beat.

Rihanna - Diamonds. "Shine bright like a diamond." Boston, shine bright like a diamond.

Journey - Don't Stop Believin' - I associate this song with Boston, due to its use in the 2004 baseball post-season. In case you don't remember 2004, it was the year that the Boston Red Sox were 1 out away from elimination and came back to win the World Series for the first time since 1918.

Pearl Jam - The Fixer - "When something's lost, I want to fight to get it back again ... When something's broke, I want to put a bit of fixing on it ... When there's no love, I want to try to love again ... Yeah yeah yeah. Fight to get it back again."

Chris Brown - Beautiful People - "Everywhere that I go, the only thing I see is beautiful people ... Live your life ... The beauty's deep inside you. Don't let 'em bring you down. The beauty is inside of you."

Shoulda had Sweet Caroline, although I did hear it somewhere out on the course.

Boston Marathon: How to Handle Traumatic Stress Part II

In my random travels today, I came across this list of various resources from SAMHSA (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, for those of you not in the DC area and not used to acronym after acronym).

Tips on How to Cope with Violent and Traumatic Events

Did you notice the shift in the news over the weekend? Especially after Friday? I did.

Did you notice there was less about the lives lost and the lives permanently changed? Why are they not in the focus anymore?

What about people who have witnessed things that no one, no one, should ever have to witness?

Why are we not talking about depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder, and other mental health issues? Because let's face it. There is a mental health side to violent and traumatic events. There are thousands of people, if not more, who directly or vicariously experienced trauma. Most people will be fine, but some people will not. To some extent, anxiety, fear, sadness, anger, and other emotions are normal reactions to abnormal events. There is a point, and this is a tricky point to identify, where emotions can start interfering with daily life. Let me reiterate that there is nothing wrong with needing extra help.

Why are we not talking about resilience, self-care, and coping skills?

Because we should be. Go back here for some tips on the road to resilience.

For helpers and healers, to challenge the present and embrace the future. That was from a church service several years ago. It is just as appropriate now.

Boston Marathon: How to Handle Traumatic Stress

So, yeah, about that Boston Marathon. There are many people who directly experienced the Boston Marathon bombings. There were many many more who indirectly experienced the non-stop news all week or the lockdowns in the Boston area on Friday.

What I am not seeing anywhere is information on how to cope with direct or indirect exposure to traumatic events. The good news is that most people directly or indirectly exposed to traumatic events will be perfectly fine. Resilience is common. People bounce back from traumatic events. We have already seen the city of Boston fall to its knees and stand up again.

But the bad news is that some people will need extra help coping with exposure, direct or indirect, to traumatic stress. There is a point where normal reactions stop being normal and traumatic events start interfering with your ability to function. There is nothing wrong with needing extra help.

Everyone reacts differently to events like this. It is normal to feel scared, anxious, confused, sad, dazed, shaken, or angry. Or nothing. Everyone copes differently. What works for one person may not work for someone else.

Here are some links on handling traumatic stress, courtesy of the American Psychological Association:

Tips on how much news coverage is too much for children, and also makes good points about how much is too much for adults

Managing traumatic stress

The road to resilience

I was initially worried about my own reaction to being in Boston, but so far, I have been remarkably OK. One person point blank asked me if I was traumatized, and I said no. Unequivocally no. Read below for why. These are strategies that work for me. Your mileage may vary.

Some of my stress-managing strategies

Reflected on what has worked in the past. I am unlucky or lucky, depending on how you look at it, that I've had experience with stressful and anxiety-provoking situations before, including a couple in Boston. I have a large toolbox of coping skills to draw on. Stress is stress. If you can handle it in one situation, you can transfer those skills to other situations.

Self-care. This is one of my main coping skills. Self-care can be as simple as going for a walk, having a cup of tea, doing something you enjoy, treating yourself to a little present, or anything that works for you.

Turn off the news. On Monday evening, I had zero desire to watch the news. Having a general idea of what had happened was good enough for me. I watched a little bit and checked periodically throughout the week, but I wasn't glued to the news.

Be careful with social media. Like the news, there were times when I had to step away. In particular, speculation and inaccuracies that were later corrected were too much.

Walked a labyrinth. There is a labyrinth at Boston College that I have walked on many times. There is a labyrinth in Washington, DC not too far from where I work. Labyrinths can be used as a tool for meditation. That's exactly what I used it for when I was back in DC.

Monitored myself. Although I was a few blocks away from the bombs, the facts that I didn't actually see them and didn't immediately know what was going on were very protective. That said, I knew there were certain things I had to look out for. Inability to concentrate, intrusive thoughts, lack of appetite, and trouble sleeping are classic anxiety symptoms for me. Thankfully, none of them surfaced (except for not being hungry on Monday, but that is totally understandable).

Wrote. Talked. I am blogging in part because writing is one of my ways of coping. And I gotta say, I felt like I was exactly where I needed to be when I returned to work. Not all of my coworkers knew I was in Boston to run the marathon, but the ones who did came by to check on me. All day. I have been wearing my marathon jacket, and random people asked me if I was there and whether I was OK. I have never experienced the kindness and compassion of total strangers like that before.

Learn. These are things I already know that have been confirmed by recent events. Have a plan, but adapt. There is light in the darkness. And one of the most important, learn where to put my energy. Some things are worth my energy. Others aren't. I am not going to put my energy into things that take a toll on me. It's not worth it.

The Survivor Stone

A friend sent me a little Survivor stone a couple of years ago. I decided I was going to bring it along for the ride on my first marathon. I can't even remember why. It just seemed like an appropriate thing to have with me during a marathon. The stone has come along, tucked safely in a zippered pocket in my shorts, on all six of my marathons. It's gone 26.2 miles in New Orleans, Providence, Chicago, Virginia Beach, and Narragansett. And now Boston.

The stone was shiny. And then I tucked it in my pocket along with my keys on a 5K. The stone got very badly scratched. But that somehow seemed appropriate. The stone survived. It has helped me survive some difficult races. It reminds me of the journey. It changes. I change.

This scratched up stone comes along on all of my races. It took on a whole new layer of meaning after the Boston Marathon.

Boston Marathon: After the Marathon

2:50 pm. Still in the changing tent. There was a boom. It sounded like a cannon, or a very heavy truck going over a bump. At first, I thought it might be part of Patriots' Day. I couldn't tell where it came from.

Then there was another boom. Everyone started looking at each other, thinking this isn't right. This can't be good.

No. It wasn't right and it wasn't good.

Someone, I can't remember if it was a volunteer or a runner or someone else, said people were running. A volunteer told us to get out of the tent and leave. And go where? What was going on? Where was it? Were we heading towards it or away from it? What if there was another boom?

For the next 20 minutes or so, I was mostly unaware of what had happened. My #1 priority was finding my husband. I talked to him again (I had a missed call from him, so I knew he was OK) and he was on his way to meet me. It was surprisingly unchaotic, although no one really knew what was going on. I certainly didn't. Maybe that's why, so far, I feel like it hasn't been that traumatic. I never panicked. I hadn't seen anything. So thankful for that.

My husband found me in the family meeting area and we tried to figure out what to do. I just wanted to get the hell out of Boston as soon as possible. He was hungry. Emergency vehicles started heading toward the finish area. Ambulances. Police. We started walking in the opposite direction. At some point, I posted to Facebook that we were OK and called my parents. I already had tons of messages on my phone.

We popped into a crowded bar, saw the news of Explosions in Boston, and quickly left to find some other place to eat. We ended up at a Thai place that was mostly empty. I knew I needed to eat, but the last thing I wanted to do was eat. I managed to have a couple bites of vegetables and a cup of hot tea. But my stomach, which had been unsettled in the last few miles, just couldn't take more than that.

We walked a few more blocks to South Station to take the commuter train home. I have never appreciated Rhode Island as much as I did that day.

I keep wondering what if?

What if I ran slower? What if I had gotten injured?

What if my ankle decided to hurt during the marathon and I was somewhere out on the course? This was a big calculated risk, even before I stepped over the start line.

What if the bombs went off earlier? I ran within yards of both bombs. I will never know if they were already there when I ran by. I will never know if I had seen the people who dropped those bombs.

What if something had happened to my husband? Because he was out watching me run a marathon?

What if I didn't have a missed call from my husband after the bombs went off, so that I knew he was OK? What if we hadn't easily met up?

What if I didn't have my phone, or my battery wasn't fully charged when I left in the morning?

What if there were more bombs?

What if I didn't know my way around Boston and knew exactly where I was? What if I didn't know that I could walk to South Station to catch the commuter train home, instead of Back Bay closer to the finishing area?

What if. Those questions don't have answers.

The "what if" questions almost don't matter. People often talk about being in the wrong place at the wrong time. I was in the right places at the right times. For all the things that could have gone wrong, not one of them did. I am so grateful and thankful for that.